Relationships: Lessons from Glinda & Elphaba

". . . I find that knowledge is to coaching like a car is to driving. It's what propels the activity forward, but it won't happen successfully unless the person behind the wheel is skilled in steering it. A literacy coach who knows a great deal about literacy instruction  but cannot develop relationships, build trust, and work with the non-knowledge-related issues of teaching will fail." (Toll, 2005, p. 53)

Over the next two weeks, the coaches of The Booth will share their thinking about what is arguably one of the most important elements of coaching - building relationships with teachers. 

Fostering relationships is the area I've grown and changed the most since I started coaching. A dear friend and colleague who supported, challenged, and tolerated me during my first rough years as a coach affectionately says she is Glinda to my Elphaba. 

Make no mistake - I did not come to my job with an army of flying monkeys, and she certainly did not come with glitter or a magic wand. Looking at the two of us, though, I was certainly not the, um, smiling, friendly, and graceful one. 

I wanted to impact student learning right away and in a big way. I came into a conversation (walking - not flying on a broom) with a strong knowledge of literacy and helpful tools. I was all business all the time.

I didn't take the time to ask about someone's weekend or kids or life outside of work. I didn't share much of myself or leave time for others to share much about themselves. I dreaded time in meetings spent on connections and cringed at the idea of team building activities. (Ice breakers still make me shudder a little now.)

I'm embarrassed to say that it took me longer than it should have to realize my deep knowledge of developmental word study wasn't what was going to get teachers to open their classroom doors and practice to me. I needed to take the time to listen - really listen. And, not just listen to colleagues talk about literacy - listen to colleagues talk about their lives.

With my very own Glinda giving me constant reminders from the office next door, I deliberately put myself in situations where I could learn more about my colleagues as people. I took the time to ask questions and have conversations about more than work. I left notes of encouragement and gave compliments. 

At the same time, I worked to develop the relationship-building skills needed in coaching conversations: listening, summarizing, paraphrasing, and reading body language, to name just a few. I provided teachers with data about their practice and allowed them to draw their own conclusions. I asked questions instead of providing answers.

The friend I mentioned earlier will always be more Glinda than I am. It's part of who she is. Over time, though, it has become more natural for me to be at least a little less Elphaba. I could still use a nice pair of ruby slippers, though. . . 


















Sources:
Toll, C. (2005). The Literacy Coach's Survival Guide. Newark, DE: International Reading Association.