The Journey to Acceptance

Meghan Retallick contributed this post. Click here for more of Meghan's thinking.

One of the biggest ideas I’ve embraced since becoming a coach is to work hard and be reflective about truly meeting people where they are at.  I feel that I had a strength in this as a classroom teacher with my students, motivating many that told me they never cared about ELA before my class.  So you’d think because I developed this skill over the course of my seven years in the classroom, I could easily transfer it to working with adults, right?  WRONG.  This, I’ve found, is one of those things that is easier said than done.  And, I’ve found that I’ve had to move through my own stages to truly accept people as they are, without bias and judgement to believe that they are “creative, resourceful, and whole” (as Barb and Laura Gleisner remind us often!).

So, what are these stages?  Well, after reading a really funny post a few months ago about “The Five Stages of Grading” (as opposed to The Five Stages of Grief developed by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross) while I was laughing and remembering my days as an ELA teacher with seemingly insurmountable piles of essays, I realized that these stages are also stages I’ve found myself in throughout the year in regards to my role and the feelings I had when dealing with resistance.

Do any of these thoughts or scenarios sound familiar?

A teacher, group of teachers, or administrator resists your role and work in their building…

Stage 1 - Denial

• “I know teachers are extremely busy.  I’m sure ________ feels overwhelmed and that they don’t have time to work with me.”
• “Wow, the room sure seemed to get quiet when I walked in...I’m sure it was just a lull in the conversation.”
• “I sent that email five days ago...maybe it got lost in spam.”
• “I left that voice message five days ago...maybe the phones aren’t working.”
• “Oh, there was a grade level team meeting focused on literacy this morning?  Maybe I was inadvertently left off the invite?”
• Denial can also manifest as avoidance, so the coach finds valid reasons as to why it isn’t the right time collaborate with the resisters.

Now, all of these thoughts could be rooted in truth as we always want to assume positive intentions by others.  But, as I’ve reflected on the denial stage, I’ve also found that sometimes I was avoiding or ignoring resistance.  And if we ever want to move past resistance, we have to get out of the denial stage and acknowledge that resistance is there.

Stage 2 - Anger

• “Why don’t these teachers want to work with me?!  I’ve shared my role with the administrator, staff, grade levels, individuals, students, etc., many times!!”
• “I know teachers work extremely hard, but I work extremely hard as well!!  Why don’t they realize that?!  I work in multiple buildings, oversee multiple initiatives, work with students and teachers, …” and so on and so on the list goes on in my head about all the things I do that teachers don’t.
• “_________ ignored my email/phone call!!  Who do they think they are?!  Who does that?!”
• “I wish I could just go into that grade level team meeting and when they all stare at me in silence say what I’m really thinking…(and not necessarily with kindness)...”
• “Those teachers don’t even know anything about the standards!!  Have they been living under a rock the last five years?!!”
• “Did ___________ just really say that about that student?!   Do they even like kids?!”

As I wrote these and re-read them, I’m embarrassed that these thoughts crossed my mind.  They sound whiny in this context and like I’m stuck in a victim-mentality.  Yet, as one really smart school psychologist told me, a lot of good and future action can come out of the anger stage if we harness these emotions appropriately by processing them and the root of where they come from in a healthy way.  

Stage 3 - Bargaining

• “If only the building principal had a background in literacy, then my role would be clearer to staff.”
• “If only I hadn’t framed the conversation at that meeting in that way, maybe the team would buy in more.”
• “What if my role could be clarified one more time at one more staff meeting...would that change things for those who are resisting?”
• “If only I had responded to that person more quickly last time they contacted me, maybe they wouldn’t ignore my emails/phone calls now.”
• “What if I hadn’t started in my role doing _________ (fill in the blank), then maybe teachers wouldn’t expect that practice now when the role is changing to meet our new needs.”
• “Maybe if I give that resister more space, they’ll come around.”

I struggled to think about my own situation a bit with this one, but the explanation of this stage from Grief.com helped me put it into perspective.  In this stage, “We become lost in a maze of ‘If only…’ or ‘What if…’ statements” and “guilt is often bargaining’s companion.  The ‘if onlys’ cause us to find fault in ourselves and what we ‘think’ we could have done differently.  We remain in the past, trying to negotiate our way out.”  I do find myself in mental phases where I beat myself up for not doing enough.  I put all the blame for the resistance on myself and my own actions.

Stage 4 - Depression

• “Does this role even make a difference for teachers?”
• “What is my role?  If I don’t even know, then how can a teacher understand it?”
• “Would I be more effective back in the classroom?”
• “Maybe my knowledge base isn’t helpful for staff and their current practices are more effective.”
• “What is the point of going to that meeting?  Nothing will change.”
• “It doesn’t matter what kind of relationships I have with people.  They will never change their practices to support students.”
• “We’re never going to get there.  Where is there anyway?”

This was the hardest stage for me when working through the challenges of meeting resistance.  I am an incredibly positive and happy person (in fact, positivity is my #4 strength on the StrengthsFinder assessment!), so to go through a period of time where I existed everyday with a cynical and negative outlook took its toll.  I definitely needed my emotional resilience strategies to work through these feelings and keep up healthy behaviors in the midst of my overwhelming feeling of hopelessness.  Luckily, I made the connection between The Stages of Grief and what I was feeling when I was in this stage, so I knew that acceptance was just around the corner.  That gave me hope and a renewed sense of purpose that inspired more productive reflection.

Stage 5 - Acceptance

I can’t write the thoughts I experienced with acceptance because they came to me more in a feeling format, and in wave where I all of a sudden felt like I was ready to meet the resistance again.  I realized that the resistance comes from a place that is not personally directed at me, and really truly felt and believed that instead of just repeating it over and over again in my head.  I could talk to the resisters again in a positive, healthy way, as well as celebrate the small steps they made.  I accepted that with some people and situations, movement forward will mean two steps forward and three steps back, but when you look at that movement across time they are slowly prodding their way to a new place.  I began to innovate in new ways and form new connections in my role, reorganizing with initiatives or groups that were ready that I hadn’t considered before.  And, when I look back this new way of utilizing my role feels better than what I was trying to do before.  As Grief.com states so beautifully, I noticed that instead of denying my feelings, I began to consider and listen to my own needs.  How can I move, change, grow, and evolve, thus impacting the positive, healthy relationships and practices that have been established and accepted?  And really, I realized that resistance is not a bad thing and it is not as pervasive as I thought it was or that it felt originally.  The resistance challenged me to learn new things about my own beliefs around literacy and learning, our system, and what is best for our students.  It reaffirmed my commitment to ensure that learning is happening for all of our students.

Is everyday perfect since I’ve finally gotten to the acceptance stage?  No.  As Grief.com states, “People often think of the stages as lasting weeks or months.  They forget that the stages are responses to feelings that can last for minutes or hours as we flip in and out of one and then another.  We do not enter and leave each individual stage in a linear fashion.  We may feel one, then another and back again to the first one.”  But, since I have gotten to acceptance once, I find that if I flip back into the anger stage, I can process the feelings and move back into acceptance in a much quicker and healthier fashion.  I can keep the perspective that I received from moving through all the stages in a prior situation.  In fact, just today, I witnessed a situation that made me incredibly angry, but after thinking through it for 20 minutes with another trusted colleague, I accepted it as it was and had a plan about how to respond in a healthy way.  I think this is what it means to truly meet people where they are at.  It does not mean that we always live in a state of zen accepting all and letting things roll immediately off our backs.  But instead, when we find ourselves frustrated with resistance, we can still keep sight of the big picture and the progress we have made.  We know that this too shall pass and that through trust, collaboration, and transparency we’ll work through the barriers.

It has taken me two years to get here.  I hope it goes quicker for you!  But, although it has been a challenging journey, I wouldn’t change a thing because it has made me a better coach, a better peer, and a better overall human being.  Best wishes for the summer and may you find some time quiet time to rejuvenate and reflect on your own journey.

Productive Disequilibrium

Beside my teammates, I participated Beyond Diversity I sponsored by The Network. Beyond Diversity I is a two-day immersive experience in which participants experiment with tools for having "courageous conversations" about the impact of race on student learning.

Applying the learning from Beyond Diversity I is part of my larger goal of developing an understanding of and applying culturally sustaining practice. This journey has pushed my thinking in ways I never anticipated. I continue to look carefully at myself and my actions and words. I hear new things in what my colleagues are saying that, frankly, terrify me. I question whether "the system" - both schools and the larger society they fit within - will address equity issues quickly enough. 

Basically, I quickly spiral from feeling energized about this work and feeling a great sense of urgency to feeling powerless and overwhelmed. Beyond Diversity I gave me words to talk about this spiraling - I'm working through an adaptive change process and moving in and out of my zone of productive disequilibrium.

Image taken from Kansas Leadership Center Field Guide

We improve through both technical and adaptive change. Technical change asks us to change our practice - what we do. Adaptive change ask us to think about our fundamental beliefs and values as individuals, groups, and organizations. 

While engaged in each type of change, individuals experience some level of disequilibrium, and this disequilibrium is productive as long as it remains within a certain zone - the zone of productive disequilibrium. Below this zone, individuals might not feel a sense of urgency about change or be motivated to participate in change. Above this zone, individuals might feel too stressed or at risk to participate fully in change.

An extended time within the productive zone of disequilibrium is an expected part of adaptive change. It explains my fluctuating stress and emotional levels in my journey to be culturally responsive.

I'm noticing that I'm not at my best when I'm at the top of my zone of productive disequilibrium. It becomes increasingly difficult for me to really think before I speak or act. I'm likely to speak or act from a place of emotion rather than logic. I feel powerless. I'm critical of myself and my colleagues. To keep engaging in this work, I need to better monitor myself. I need to watch myself and my emotions to understand when I'm close to my disequilibrium limits.

However, this also has implications for me as a facilitator and a coach. Each person's productive zone of disequilibrium is different. I need to be mindful of others' equilibrium and anticipate and react to it in order to fully engage my colleagues.

Q: What terrifies you?

Q: What terrifies you?
A: Teaching aerobics

I was recently deep in an amazing kind of professional conversation - the kind that gives you the strength and energy to continue doing difficult work - with a favorite and inspiring friend and colleague. 

We were talking about a school goal that, despite careful planning and support, has not yet been embraced by the entire school.

I tried a few different questions to better understand the situation:

• What is keeping your colleagues from moving forward with this goal?
• What do those who have moved forward with the goal have in common?
• What might those who aren't moving forward not be telling you?

We arrived at fear as a thing that could be preventing people from moving forward - not just general fear of change, but fear related to this specific goal.

I started to think about something that is totally terrifying to me:

teaching aerobics 

If I was part of a school whose data demonstrated that teaching aerobics for five minutes at the beginning of class on a daily basis would increase student achievement, I'm not sure there is anything that could be done to get me to participate in implementing that goal.

It wouldn't matter how much I read about teaching aerobics or if I practiced in a small group or if I watched videos or if a coach came in and modeled for me or if I was offered a financial incentive to teach aerobics. This idea is something that makes me feel so insecure that I'm not sure I would ever be able to actually do it. Maybe I would put on a YouTube video of someone else teaching aerobics while I sat in the back of the room and graded papers. 

And, I don't think I would ever admit that my resistance had to do with fear. I would make a million excuses. I would have a bad attitude during meetings. I might lie. I might even say terrible things about the people asking me to implement the change.

Why is this important?

Imagining myself teaching a room full of kids to do aerobics helped me better understand the incredibly legitimate reasons our colleagues have for choosing not to do something. It helped me reframe what is sometimes called resistance as something much more complicated. It helped me develop some empathy.

It helped me think about all the things our colleagues choose to never say aloud. As a coach, I might ask, "What is holding you back?" or "What obstacles are you facing?". I never before considered that people probably don't answer questions like these entirely honestly. Time, supplies, or people to collaborate with are easy answers. Fear, insecurity, or anxiety might be honest answers.

So, next time you are wondering why your colleagues won't just __________________, think of yourself doing something that really, really terrifies you. What is causing that fear? What would it take for you to move past that fear? 

The Secret of Change

Today's post is contributed by Andrea Reichenberger.

The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new. Socrates

In additional to all we do as literacy leaders and coaches, there is one very important aspect of our job that I fear we often overlook--taking the time to reflect on how far we’ve actually come on this spectrum of change. We are in an era in education in which we are asked to make many changes and to make them quickly. Change is difficult and with it usually comes a whole slew of issues that need to be handled delicately. In order to keep my own sanity and to help protect the sanity of our teachers,  I decided I needed to take notice of the elements that weren’t in place in our school three years ago and ask, have we made any change?

Classroom libraries were a rarity. Now, several have been developed or revamped with modern and engaging young adult literature from a variety of genres including nonfiction and magazines.  We have steered away from the whole class novel, developed themes and purchased a wide variety of texts that align to those themes. Word walls and anchor charts are not only posted, but also referenced throughout the lessons.  There are more tables and less desks, but the desks that still linger are grouped into pods.  Students are provided the time and guided to have conversations using academic language.  Teachers are setting a purpose for learning,  they are modeling their thinking, and they are using formative assessments to drive their instruction.  We are becoming more student centered and less teacher centered. We are making change.

Recently I was in a classroom and I asked the teacher what she thought was going well in her classroom. She didn’t hesitate when she answered, “the classroom environment.” She went on to specify that it was the group interaction which has improved because she has added consistency to the process, yet she also  included a component that adds variety.  She created three different grouping scenarios and has named each of them. (One of the groupings is purposely organized by mixed ability level and the others are random.) She writes the grouping on the whiteboard so when the student enter the room, they know where to sit. Tomorrow they might be in their “This Is How We Do It” group and the next day they may be directed to gather in their “Everything is Awesome” group.

Toward the end of our conversation, I asked this teacher to reflect on how her instruction has changed over the past three years and she confided,  “I am more conscious of how they (the students) need to learn rather than just the content. I focus on the goal I want them to achieve by the end of the class and I plan the activities to match them. I feel my students are learning more now than they ever have.”

Yes, we have definitely made change!