Having Hard Conversations

Having Hard Conversations by Jennifer Abrams

Lisa's posts about coaching with kindness ("Coaching with kindness", "Coaching with kindness when the truth might sting", and "Coaching with kindness when teachers feel stung")  and a few things in my personal life have really gotten me thinking about when and how I speak my truths. The universe sent me Jennifer Abrams's book to help me deepen that thinking. (Andrea wrote about Having Hard Conversations for us in an earlier post.)

Having Hard Conversations gives readers concrete steps and considerations for preparing for a conversation. Abrams begins preparing us for having hard conversations, but suggesting we identifying what might be stopping us. Reasons to avoid hard conversations include: 

• A desire to please ("I want people to like me.")
• Personal safety ("I am intimidated.")
• Personal comfort ("I like it easy, emotionally.")
• Fear of the unknown ("I'd rather live with the status quo than face the unknown.")
• Waiting for the perfect moment ("I can't do it until I know more about him/her.")

While these reasons are very real, Abrams goes on to provide concrete ways to overcome the avoidance and actually have a conversation that will positively impact student learning. Her framework includes carefully planning the logistics of the conversation, identifying the goal, and planning for follow-up support.

While many of the examples in Having Hard Conversations are about supervision, the ideas in the book are applicable to literacy coaches and any one in education looking to speak their truths to a colleague.