Coaching Despite Differing Values

Barb Novak, Wisconsin Department of Public Instruction Literacy Consultant, contributed this post.

Recently, I found myself in the middle of a coaching session and incredibly offended. What the client shared with me was in direct conflict with some of my most deeply held beliefs, and I was really, really stuck about how to proceed with the session. 

In "real" conversation, I would have used "I-statements" to describe the behavior and why it was problematic for me. I would have politely but firmly walked away from the the conversation if the behavior continued.

That didn't seem like the best way to conduct myself during a coaching conversation.

I did manage to stop myself from doing a few things (and am still patting myself on the back for these choices):

• Proposing a solution (my first instinct)
• Selecting a line of questioning to help the client see what I perceived as the problem with the thinking

And, I ended the conversation as quickly as possible. The client seemed satisfied; the conversation ended with a solution the client seemed committed to from the very beginning of the session. 

I felt awful, though.

I jumped to conclusions about what was motivating the client's thoughts and words. I made judgments about the person based on what I heard. I didn't have the coaching skills I needed to navigate the situation.

So, I had a conversation with a colleague who is a masterful coach. 

She didn't coach me (I wasn't looking for coaching), but she did offer some techniques to apply in coaching situations where the client's values conflict with the coach's values.

First, recognize your triggers. As a coach, what types of language, attitudes, or beliefs are likely to make you feel conflicted (or uncomfortable or furious or enraged)? Negative assumptions about students (especially traditionally under-served students) and colleagues make my right eye twitch.

Second, have some techniques and questions in your repertoire for times when something the client says offends you:

• Repeat the client's words and ask for clarification. I heard you describe students as "lazy and deceitful". Can you tell me more about why you chose those words?
• Prompt the client to consider what data supports conclusions. You said _________ is in support of this decision. How do you know that? 
• Use questioning to encourage the client to consider other points of view. What do you think is motivating ________'s actions and attitude? What else could it be?
• Use questioning to encourage the client to consider other solutions. What else could you try?

I decided not to a specific follow-up with the client, who seemed satisfied with the outcome of the situation. The discomfort is mine. I'm dealing with that discomfort by reflecting on the conversation and committing to doing better the next time I find myself in this situation.